giovedì 19 ottobre 2006

FENOMENOLOGIA DEL MONDEZZINO E COMPAGNA


A furor di popolo, tolgliamo dal limbo dei commenti
e pubblichiamo separatamente l'opera prima di ryoga.


FENOMENOLOGIA DEL MONDEZZINO


Secondo recenti studi delle teorie evoluzionistiche di Darwin, l'anello mancante tra l'homo sapiens sapiens e l'homo di Cromagnon potrebbe collocarsi nella figura del mondezzino sassarese.
Recenti studi hanno dimostrato che la sua provenienza è collocabile intorno alla zona del Monte alto, anche se l'evoluzione ha dato i maggiori frutti sopratutto nelle zone periferiche quali S.Maria di Pisa e Latte Dolce, con un inconsueto quanto prolifico addensamento in via Ugo la Malfa.
Veniamo a descrivere le principali caratteristiche morfologiche e sociologiche del mondezzino:
Il mondezzino predilige le ore post-meridiane per far sfoggio di tutta la propria caratura culturale. Non sarà difficile per un cultore antropologico, l'avvistamento sui tram 1 e 3; senza dimenticare la collocazione in Piazza Castello, anche se recenti studi ne prevedono il ritorno in Piazza Fiume.
Il mondezzino ha solo due argomenti di discussione:
a) la moto
b) le risse
Per quanto riguarda l'argomento moto, il mondezzino è una miniera di sapere, nonostante il fatto che la discussione faccia perno su alcuni topos tra cui:
"i pezzi da novanta"; "marmitta polini"; "me la faccio preparare da mariani"; "strozzature"; "ni succia umbè"
I discorsi son sempre accesi e l'attenzione del mondezzino è sempre ai massimi livelli quando si parla di ciclomotori e preparazioni affini.
Di chiaro stampo mondezzino sono i racconti sulle risse.
Essi in genere vengono fuori quando il mondezzino ha esaurito gli argomenti (quindi piuttosto di frequente visto che può optare solo sulla conoscenza della moto).
Generalmente il mondezzino che racconta di una rissa in cui era uno dei due protagonisti, sarà difficile che racconterà di una sconfitta.
La tendenza è quindi quella di una narrazione romanzata, dai tratti fortemente epicizzati, nel quale il protagonista viene provocato e sfidato in battaglia, e con strenuo valore dimostra la propria virilità disarcionando il nemico.
Naturalmente i toni sono di tutt'altra caratura:
"e caz chiddu mi fazzi caz... e allora io caz ni boggu la catena dalla moto e s'è cagliaddu muddu".
Possiamo vedere quindi come in ogni caso la moto torni sempre e comunque in ogni argomento.
Trattasi davvero di un elemento catartico per il mondezzino, che ne contraddistingue l'efficacia e maggiori carte da giocare per la giostra dell'accoppiamento.
Generalmente Zip, Phantom, F10, Typhoon, Califfone (nei tempi d'oro).

Abbigliamento del mondezzino:

in moto: Casco indossato tanto per non prendersi la multa, praticamente ad altezza cervelletto con cappellino essenza indossato sotto.
in giro ESTATE/INVERNO: Giubbotto nero con pellicciotto, jeans e scarpe Cult con punta in ferro (ottima per le risse). Magliettina attillata con deodorante (badate bene DEO-DO-RAN-TE: la parola profumo non è compresa nel vocabolario)AXE Africa spruzzata non sulla pelle ma direttamente sopra gli indumenti: circa una lattina di prodotto ogni volta che esce. Gel dei cappelli marca DATREDIZZI di cui il vero mondezzino in assoluto si scorda di spalmare bene lasciandone qualche residuo visibilissimo.
Le teorie sulla prossemica (studio della distanza sociale) hanno una ramificazione particolareggiata per quanto riguarda lo studio di questa categoria sociale:

DIVERTITO: collo in avanti che oscilla, bocca semi aperta ed esclamazioni del tipo "caz troppo togo, caz oh pazzo".
INCAZZATO: vena del collo in procinto di esplosione, rossore improvviso, movimenti convulsi e a scatti di spalle e braccia. Ricerca spasmodica di una locazione tra due compari per far finta di farsi trattenere dal picchiare qualcuno.
PROVOCATORE: sorriso beffardo, mano che mena schiaffetti e la tipica espressione: "mi sei pigliendi pa lu guru?".

Sul tema dell'innamoramento gli studiosi dibattono lungamente se si tratti di vero e proprio sentimento metafisico o semplicemente di estro sessuale tipico del maschio che entra in calore: nel dubbio ci asteniamo da qualsiasi commento a riguardo in attesa di ulteriori sperequazioni.

Questa lista è chiaramente di tutti, può essere corretta allargata completata.
Preciso infine di non avere niente contro chi si veste o si comporta più o meno
come ho anche un po' fantasiosamente descritto, avendo io un bel po' di amici così.

Era insomma una cosa pà ridì e non per offendere.

LA COMPAGNA DEL MONDEZZINO

La compagna del mondezzino ama stare l'ottanta per cento del suo tempo sopra il ciclomotore del suo ragazzo, quasi come gli Unni passavano la maggior parte del tempo a cavallo.
Generalmente le mondezzine indossano sorta di pellicciotti bianchi nei mesi invernali, mentre in quelli estivi prediligono magliette corte sopra l'ombelico, fuseaux consunti e zeppe mai in disuso.
prediligono il casco a scodella col rivestimento rosa De puta Madre.
Sono loro a scegliere il maschio per la copula e secondo alcuni studiosi la scelta ricade o sul leader della greffa o sul possessore del miglior mezzo di trasporto.
Le mondezzine al contrario di quanto si possa ritenere basandosi su un'analisi superficiale, non sono affatto dedite ad ogni lascivia.
La loro ferrea educazione cattolica impone una sorta di pudicizia piuttosto estremizzata nei primi tempi del rapporto con il mondezzino, il quale però -esperto amatore e conoscitore a orecchio di canzoni struggenti in LA Minore- sa come capovolgere ogni situazione.
Si passa quindi da una fase di pudicizia ad una di totale esternazione delle proprie pulsioni. vediamo qualche es.
"oh ascò Chiarè, mi sto imboscando con Tore a crocerare dietro quei cassonetti".
"caz, ho scopato così tanto chistha ghedda chi mi fazzini mali le ovaie".
Le mondezzine ultimamente hanno preteso dai loro compagni, maggiori attenzioni non sessuali.
Ora è probabile che questa condizione sia dovuta al fatto che le mondezzine, uscendo nel tardo pomeriggio, passino il tempo a confrontare i loro maschi con quelli di Uomini e Donne e di quel romanticumine patinato e pacchiano.
Non è ancora una certezza, ma non è del tutto da escludere.
Sui tram le mondezzine non parlano tra di loro: urlano.
sarà capitato a chiunque di salire sulla uno o la tre e vedere qualche ragazza ipertruccata e pensare:
"beh se avesse meno trucco sarebbe proprio carina".
Poi quella stessa riceve una chiamata al cellulare con la suoneria di Mango e ne esce da bocca una voce che ti ni fazzi passà tutta la gana.

Sulla tonalità di voce della mondezzina non è possibile soffermarsi in maniera adeguata in questa breve analisi; ma distinguiamo comunque almeno due timbri vocalici:
-vagamente sussinca (uso frequente dell'intercalare "gaz")
-lattedolcina (uso frequente dell'intercalare "cioè" "troppo bono").

Concludiamo con una delle cose più belle offertici dalla città di Sassari: il litigio tra mondezzine.
Generalmente causato da due fattori:
a) la tipa si sta crocerando il ragazzo dell'altra
b)la tipa sparla dell'altra

La mondezzina non attende di chiarire se le voci che sono arrivate al suo orecchio siano vere o pretenziose; essa parte all'attacco come un amazzone, ma raramente si raggiunge lo scontro fisico; accesissimo è invece lo scontro verbale.
La componente ironica risiede nel fatto che la mondezzina chiama la sua vittima in disparte, in modo da non attirare l'attenzione verso di se; ma bastano pochi secondi perchè tutta piazza castello (esempio frequente) si raduni davanti all'acceso diverbio di natura antropologico-territoriale.
Concludiamo con alcune tra le più frequenti affermazioni durante questi litigi, poichè non ci può essere miglior caratterizzazione se non quella offerta da questi esempi:
"oh bella bè stai molto attenta"
"mi ci metti quattro palmi di faccia in culo"
"ma cosa sei dizzendi che ti hanno visto tutti con Barroccu dietro la COOP"

38 commenti:

pecora nera ha detto...

finalmente avete reso ufficiale un documento che altrimenti sarebbe passato in secondo piano... una testimonianza che parla dell'identità sassarese... perchè in fondo... chi non ha un parente o un conoscente "mondezzino"?

Anonimo ha detto...

Chiedo ancora, e questa volta direttamente all'autore (ryoga) di spiegare a un non più giovane l'ABC del MONDEZZINO:
dopo averne illustrato la FENOMENOLOGIA, ci dici: CHI E' IL MONDEZZINO ????

ryoga82 ha detto...

in dialetto italiano viene chiamato truzzo, boro, coatto ma nessuno di questi aggettivi rende bene.

ryoga82 ha detto...

c'è un refuso: gel dei cappelli volevo dire capelli

ryoga82 ha detto...

grazie per la pubblicazione

Anonimo ha detto...

A ti biazzi Carbonazzi

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=spiritosanto

Anonimo ha detto...

Attendiamo con entusiasmo altre caratterizzazioni da Ryoga, che ha un osservatorio molto privilegiato.
L'assignuriccadda di via La Cona

Anonimo ha detto...

Vi siete dimenticati gli occhiali stile moscone comprati dalla bancarella e gli inviti del blu-star sempre a portata di mano

Anonimo ha detto...

E che dire del quartier generale di piazza d'italia, fermata della 8, piazza castello, specie lato "banco di sardegna".
Comunque io li osservo ammirata, sono davvero uno spasso, mi piace proprio il modo di parlare, l'intonazione della voce, i termini ricorrenti, le traduzioni pari pari dal sassarese all'italiano .... forse la parlata è il tratto comune più dell'abbigliamento!

Anonimo ha detto...

Ci sarebbe anche da dire qualche parola sui "borghesucci" che animano il triangolo "ottica Delogu-tribunale-bisbar" ... lì le ragazze sono molto sullo stil-novo, visi da angeli, colori tenui, pettinature semplici. i ragazzi iperattivi, posteggiano le moto ovunque, possibilmente sulle palme, qualcuno ha già il SUV del papy, al contrario delle femminucce hanno i capelli molto improbabili, esistono solo loro, se devi passargli a fianco meglio circunnavigarli, attraversano senza guardare (stai scherzando che non mi vedi??? .... loro pensano) e fino a quando c'era il gazebo del bisbar stazionavano nell'unico corridoio per passanti come continuazione del gazebo stracolmo di fumo innanzitutto, giovani in allenamento a fare cerchietti di fumo, pulzelle che sorseggiavano caffe con la bottiglietta immancabile di acqua naturale in vetro e il quaderno di scuola sul quale facevano finta di studiare per darsi un'aria da intellettuale... in quel posto c'è sempre esposta la collezione di abbigliamento in vigore nel periodo, per chi vuole essere sempre fashion ed è disposta a catramarsi i polmoni consiglio un caffè là dentro! Sara

Anonimo ha detto...

vorrei contribuire fornendo altri particolari a cui il mondezzino non può rinunciare:
-Sciarpa giamaicana
-pitbull
una discreta percentuale ama in oltre:
-i tatuaggi tribali
-i"bonghetti"

Anonimo ha detto...

Secondo me non può mancare il negozio che (almeno un tempo)stabiliva i trend del mondezzinaggio: Bang. Vi ricordate i pantaloni seconda pelle con la riga di plastica bianca laterale? Non dimentichiamo poi le buldozer...le zeppe alte 15 cm...e secondo me manca una menzione a Via Tavolara, luogo mondezzino di tendenza da sempre...

E poi anch'io scriverei due righe sul genere di personaggi che stazionano davanti all'ottica delogu di via roma, quelli che ai miei tempi si chiamavano "quelli di via Roma"...

Indole ha detto...

Ci terrei a precisare che quando i mondezzini stanno in greffa, intenti a raggiungere via Tavolara sulla 3, sulla 5, sul Sant'Orsola, o il Li Punti e non hanno niente di cui discorrere, diffondono nell'aria le note delle peggio canzoni di Tatanka (per citare il più colto forse fra i Dj della Mito Generation) o qualche altro esponente della Commerciale, della House. Mentre il mondezzino è intento a fare ciò, pompando al massimo le suddette melodie distorcendole a causa del volume troppo alto per un cellulare, si guarda intorno come a dire "Se c'è qualcuno che gli da fastidio la musica di Dj Tatanka dimmelo che ti piglio tutto quanto a sghiaffi, non c'è problema. Caaatzz.." Negli ultimi tempi le predilezioni musicali dei Mondezzini variano dall'elettronica al rap (chi mai si dimenticherà Applausi per Fibra suonato su tutte le Punto Sport della città?), dal Reggae al Reggaetong.

Inoltre importante punto di ritrovo stagionale per la gioventù Sassarese dei "quartieri bassi" è il Materland, e precisamente il Pugnometro, il Calcinculo, L'Obaoba e anche (perchènnò) il canguro ormai.

Pace!

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